I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
