Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
