I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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