i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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