opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
