What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
