Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
