you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
