i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
