Just cropdusted the office
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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