No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
