she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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