Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
