Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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