apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
