video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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