I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
