Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
