my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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