i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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