Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
