I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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