I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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