The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
