she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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