I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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