It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
