he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
