So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk is not a location!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
