The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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