It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
