I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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