How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
