So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
