...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
