I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
