I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
