Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
