I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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