As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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