this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
