This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
