i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
