Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
