I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
