You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
