Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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