Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
