I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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