There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
