he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
