I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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