I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
