Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
