This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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