Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
