I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
