I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
