those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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