do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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