my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
