i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
