Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
