living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
