Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
