Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
