Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
