That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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