If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
