I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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