ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
