Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
