i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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