I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
40s are totally the cure
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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