no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
