Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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